Lies
I’m sitting here in shock. The shock of realizing I never knew you. Been married for over 22 years and all this time I KNEW you told little lies. Caught you out quite a few times, but the reality of how much and how big you lie just really knocked me off my feet.
You are a massive fucking lier and all this time you constantly accuse me of being a lier. Yeah, I admit I’ve told some lies.
How about this truth…
I will say ANYTHING to calm you down from one of the psychotic breaks you’re constantly going through. But I’ve never told you how much I hate you. ALL of you. The man I married was absorbed by one of your other personalities. So many of them I don’t even know which one is the one I met in the first place.
I even can identify when you started turning. Down in the basement of the house, we lived in, in Chatham. You were an evil dark personality who went totally insane. All because the cult you were programmed by threw you out for trying to attack me with a knife.
Through all this time the only thing I ever felt for you was PITY. I realized that I am the only person on this planet who could pull you back to one of your more rational personalities. But I can’t do that anymore. I don’t feel safe connected to you. I don’t feel safe speaking to you. And my kids and family are not safe because of my connection to you.
But how the fuck do I get away from you. I leave and tell you over and over again that it’s over. And you pull me into your verbal abuse and I just carry on trying to calm you down, because you are a loose cannon and I am afraid. I am afraid that your insanity will harm my kids because you do terrible things online when you are having one of your episodes and I don’t want my girls’ lives to be destroyed because of this. How do I get it to stop?
You tell me you met someone else, and my instinct is to reach out and warn her. I even call her and stop myself, because its such a relief for me that maybe I have a chance to finally just walk away. But the only part of you that you pull away from me is the nice part of you, and yet the bad part of you still reaches out because there is no one else on this planet who you can throw your anger and abuse at, except me.
Your own family has disconnected and I am the only one left. Your target.
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